Sexual Intrusive Thoughts: What’s Really Going On?

According to VICE, research indicates that we typically average about 6,000 thoughts per day. Other internet sources say we process way more than that. Regardless, you think about a lot of stuff every day. Perhaps even now, you may be wondering about a work meeting, what your weekend plans are, or whether you remembered to shut your garage door before you left this morning. But of all the things that cross your mind daily, do you ever deal with sexual intrusive thoughts?

What are Sexually Intrusive Thoughts?

Is it possible to have unwanted, intrusive thoughts? Such an idea may seem strange. But according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA), 6 million people in the US experience intrusive thoughts, so it’s more common than you’d think. These are thoughts that may come out of nowhere, are unwanted, and cause a great deal of stress. They may even feel hard to control. Some people worry that having these thoughts means they unconsciously want to do the things in these intrusive thoughts, but that’s not true at all. 

Intrusive thoughts, Harvard Health Publishing explains, are often triggered by stress or anxiety. And dwelling on them further often causes even more anxiety and stress. They may also be associated with past trauma, as well as mental health disorders like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).  

Intrusive thoughts can also be sexual. These intrusive sexual thoughts may be centered around unwanted sexual impulses. These thoughts may be you imagining sexual behavior that is inappropriate or just plain wrong. And often, these thoughts involve people you really care about. Likely, you’re not even interested in the intrusive sexual activity you’re thinking about (let alone aroused by it). More often than not you’re bothered by it. Some of these sexual intrusive thoughts may be so disturbing that you want to stop thinking about them immediately.

Examples of Sexual Intrusive Thoughts

• Being violent during sex
• Sexual activity involving animals
• Inappropriately touching someone
• Being attracted to children or family members
• Engaging in sexual violence or criminal behavior

Sexual Fantasy vs. Intrusive Sexual Thoughts: What’s the Difference?

Does this mean that all sexual thoughts that pop into your head are bad? By no means. Many people find themselves thinking about various sexual fantasies from time to time, which is a very different thing than intrusive sexual thoughts. A sexual fantasy is something you actually want to experience because the fantasy itself would give you pleasure. It’s usually something socially acceptable, so there’s no shame associated with thinking about it. You may want to even discuss it with your partner or spouse so you both can engage in it together. 

Sexually intrusive thoughts, on the other hand, are usually brief and reoccurring. You consciously know you don’t want to think about them, yet may feel like you can’t get them out of your head. Because you’re having these thoughts, you may be ashamed of yourself and fearful that others would find out, even a mental health professional. 

The Source of Sexual Intrusive Thoughts

Like general intrusive thoughts, sexual intrusive thoughts usually don’t just happen for no reason. There’s often something going on underneath the surface that needs to be addressed. Consistent intrusive sexual thoughts can arise from unresolved past trauma, such as adverse childhood experiences. OCD and sexually intrusive thoughts can easily go hand in hand, as well as other mental health disorders. Eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia are also connected to sexual intrusive thoughts, and these recurring thoughts could also be signs of an undiagnosed porn or sex addiction. 

How to Stop Sexual Intrusive Thoughts

While these harmful thought patterns can cause regular distress in your life, you can learn to manage them so you can feel like yourself again. They don’t have to control your life. Here are a few steps you can take to learn how to stop sexual intrusive thoughts:

Acknowledge and Understand Your Sexually Intrusive Thoughts

The first step in overcoming a problem is always awareness. You need to acknowledge that you’re experiencing intrusive sexual thoughts. By doing this, you can consciously remind yourself that these are simply just thoughts. You’re not acting out on them, and you’re not a horrible person for having them. 

You can also attempt to understand why you’re having these unwanted thoughts. Where are they coming from? Are they saying something about the things you value? Taking time to figure out why you’re having these thoughts can help you to overcome them in the future. 

Say No to Fear and Judgment

When these thoughts arise, don’t fear them. They’re just thoughts, and like we said earlier, you have thousands of them every day. All kinds of things go in and out of your mind. You also shouldn’t avoid them, as that’s an unhealthy way to cope. Rather, accept that they happen, and don’t judge yourself for having them. Having these thoughts is not something you should take personally. Remember, millions of people have intrusive thoughts, so you’re not abnormal, and you’re definitely not alone. 

Pay Attention and Get Help

When your sexual intrusive thoughts occur, give them attention with your awareness that they’re just thoughts that are not reflective of your actual desires. As you accept them as thoughts that don’t mean anything about you, you reduce the psychological and emotional hold they have on you. As a result, these thoughts begin to lose their importance when they happen again. 

If these sexually intrusive thoughts are still causing you emotional distress and trauma, it’s perfectly acceptable to seek help from a mental health professional or CSAT therapist. A therapist can help you uncover the source of your thoughts and aid you in processing them in a safe space. If you fear that you may act out on these thoughts eventually, professional help can also be vital in providing safeguards to prevent you from doing so in the future. 

Overcome Your Sexually Intrusive Thoughts at Integrative Life Center

Your intrusive sexual thoughts don’t have to define you. With the right help, you can take control of them. At Integrative Life Center in Nashville, TN, we offer comprehensive mental health treatment and intimacy disorder treatment, including porn and sex addiction treatment. We also are able to address multiple issues at the same time with our dual diagnosis treatment program. With a variety of professional help resources you need in one place, you’re better equipped to overcome your intrusive thoughts and heal from any underlying conditions. If you’re ready to reclaim your thoughts and your life, call our team today to get started. 

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