Are you concerned that your partner may be hypersexual? Perhaps you Googled something like my husband is addicted to porn or how do I know if a girl is hypersexual and it brought you here. Maybe you’ve become suspicious that they’re addicted to sex or porn. But when you ask your partner about it, you think they may be gaslighting you. But how can you tell for sure? What are some gaslighting examples commonly used when someone is hiding their hypersexuality?
What Does Gaslighting Mean?
It seems like a trendy word these days, but what does gaslighting mean? The definition of gaslighting is all about manipulation. In essence, gaslighting occurs when someone tries to make you question or doubt your own beliefs or perceptions of reality. When this happens, the gaslighting perpetrator is trying to control or exert power over you. In many cases, gaslighting is considered psychological and emotional abuse, according to Middle Georgia State University.
As the gaslighting continues, you may doubt your judgment, memory, or instincts. You may even think you’re going crazy. Over time, the effects of gaslighting can lead to your low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and codependency on the gaslighting perpetrator.
How to Recognize Gaslighting Examples
Gaslighting in relationships takes on various forms but is most common among dating or married partners. It’s usually a strategy to cover up infidelity or hypersexual behaviors like sex addiction or porn addiction. Gaslighting may be a convenient way for your partner to deny any wrongdoing and is often executed slowly and subtly. That’s why it’s important to learn how to recognize gaslighting so you can keep yourself from being manipulated. With that said, here are some common gaslighting examples you may encounter:
Denial
The gaslighter denies your concerns outright. They may strongly insist that what you brought up didn’t happen, even if it were true. They may accuse you of making things up or misremembering.
Trivializing
When you express your feelings, the gaslighter minimizes them by stating that they are overreactions. They may claim that they were only joking by what they said or did, stating your concerns are overly sensitive or dramatic.
Discrediting
This gaslighting example is about taking away your credibility among others by telling them that you are paranoid or crazy. By doing so, it’s easier for others to take their side and isolate you from your support system.
Countering
When you point out a concern or suspicion, a gaslighter will attempt to question your memory and introduce doubt. The goal here is to get you to think your memories don’t actually reflect what happened, causing you to second guess yourself.
Diverting
In this gaslighting example, the perpetrator intentionally tries to confuse you. They may change the subject when you bring up your concerns, respond vaguely, or contradict what you share to prevent a direct discussion of the issue.
Shifting Blame
When you confront the gaslighter, they avoid responsibility and shift blame onto you. They may say that if you had done something for them, they wouldn’t have done what they did. Or, they may accuse you of lying or being manipulative yourself.
Common Gaslighting Examples Among Hypersexual Partners
Does a particular gaslighting example above resonate with you? If so, you have good reason to be concerned with your partner. But what is an example of gaslighting when the issue has to do with hypersexual disorder? How might your porn or sex addict partner try to use gaslighting to manipulate you? Here are a few real-world scenarios:
- You find porn downloaded on your partner’s computer or phone—or you see it in their search history. When you bring it up to them, they deny it was actually them. They may say things like, “I don’t know where that came from,” or “Someone was using my computer at work” to get you to doubt your perceptions.
- When you question why your partner has been abnormally absent, they share that they’ve been working late. You express that you don’t believe them, and they respond by saying you’re crazy or paranoid. They may try to make you feel guilty for questioning them, sharing that they’re trying to provide for the family by working extra hours.
- You discover your partner has cheated on you, so you confront them. They shift blame back on you by stating that if you’d had sex with them more often, they wouldn’t have had an affair. The partner tries to make you feel like you’re the true source of the problem, not them.
What to Do When You Feel Gaslit
If you think you might be susceptible to gaslighting from your potentially hypersexual partner, what should you do? For starters, you can write down concerning actions or conversations shortly after they happen in case your memory is questioned later. It’s also important to trust your instincts; if you keep feeling like something is wrong, you likely have a good reason. And lastly, it’s best to seek help. A trusted friend may be able to lend valuable perspective as to whether what’s going on is a gaslighting example or not—and then provide the key support you need along the way.
Get Help for Hypersexual Disorder (and Betrayal Trauma)
If you think your partner is gaslighting you to hide a sex or porn addiction, you may experience deep hurt and betrayal trauma as a result. And your partner clearly has an issue that needs to be addressed. That’s why it’s important that you both seek professional help in this process.
At Integrative Life Center in Nashville, TN, we partner with all kinds of couples through our comprehensive, trauma-informed intimacy disorder treatment. Whether it’s overcoming your betrayal trauma or your partner overcoming sexual addiction, we can help you both find healing and restore your relationship. To learn more, contact us today.
The post Gaslighting Examples: When Your Partner is Hypersexual and Hiding It appeared first on Integrative Life Center.
source https://integrativelifecenter.com/intimacy-disorders/gaslighting-examples-when-your-partner-is-hypersexual-and-hiding-it/
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