Real Talk: Is Watching Porn Cheating?

You’re in a relationship, and you’re also watching porn. Is that OK? Is watching porn cheating on your partner or spouse? It’s fair to wonder about this, especially if your partner doesn’t know about your porn habit. 

There unfortunately aren’t any hard and fast rules on whether watching porn is cheating or not. A dating relationship or marriage doesn’t come with a manual telling you the amount of porn you can watch and still be good. That means, in order to properly answer is watching porn cheating, you need to examine your own specific relationship and the boundaries you have in place. But what does this look like?

Is Watching Porn Cheating? A Mutual Determination

There are a number of people who would say that viewing pornography is cheating in relationship. However, others would disagree. So what should you do about these varied opinions? 

As difficult as it might sound, it’s best if you and your partner actually talk about this topic together. Both of you should express your views and feelings toward pornography and take them into careful consideration. You need to reach a consensus together on whether watching porn in a relationship is considered cheating or not. The cards need to be all out on the table so you can both move forward knowing what’s what.

Such an idea may seem outlandish, especially if you’ve already been watching porn for years. It may feel scary to bring this up to your significant other. However, keeping your porn watching a secret from your partner or spouse only makes things worse, especially once you eventually get found out. And if you’ve been lying about your porn habit to your significant other, it could be a sign of a deeper issue—porn addiction (more on that later).

When Your Partner Thinks Watching Pornography is Cheating 

Once you have a discussion about porn together, if you or your partner thinks watching porn is cheating, then it is. It’s as simple as that. Even if you don’t view it that way, as long as your partner does, then you still need to perceive pornography as cheating, too. The idea of you watching porn in a relationship may cause profoundly negative feelings for your partner. And he or she is not alone, as many people would answer is watching porn cheating with “yes.” But why is porn cheating in some partners’ eyes? Here are a number of reasons:

• When watching porn in a relationship, you’re fantasizing about someone else
• You may be watching sex acts that your partner isn’t comfortable doing
• You’re exploring your sexual desires without your partner
• You may spend more time looking at porn than being with your partner
• You may start preferring porn over having sex with your partner
• Your partner may compare themselves to the actors in pornography, ultimately making them feel self-conscious, undesirable, or that they’ll never measure up

 

According to Psychology of Women Quarterly, women whose partners consume porn tend to experience more psychological distress, feel more objectified, have poorer body image, and are more likely to develop eating disorder symptoms. To look at this issue from another angle, a study by Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people in a relationship who didn’t view porn reported higher relationship quality than those who did watch porn in a relationship. Those who didn’t view porn also had lower rates of infidelity. In other words, if your partner perceives pornography as cheating and doesn’t want you to watch it, they have good reason. 

How Your Porn Habit May Reveal a Bigger Problem

Let’s say you both talk about porn and ultimately decide to put boundaries around watching porn in a relationship. But then you don’t respect these boundaries and continue to watch porn in secret. What does this reveal about you and your porn habit?

For starters, hiding your porn consumption and even lying about it to your partner will create mistrust in your relationship. Sadly, this mistrust keeps your relationship from thriving, as well as prevents you from being fully, authentically known by your partner. Even worse, you’re setting yourself up to fail, as you’ll likely get caught eventually. And the ensuing fallout can cause deep, hurtful wounds in your partner and your relationship as a whole.

If you know these risks yet continue to persist in your porn consumption, this may be an indication that there’s something else going on—porn addiction. In fact, continuing to watch porn in spite of the potential negative consequences it can cause is one of the hallmark signs of porn addiction. Here are some other porn addiction symptoms:

• You hide or lie about your porn usage
• You clear your computer’s browser history so you don’t get caught
• You start watching more intense, extreme forms of pornography
• You start expecting your real sex life to be similar to the porn you’re watching
• Your porn habit gets in the way of your job, friendships, and time with your partner
• You try to quit porn, but you can’t break free 

 

A porn addiction is a form of hypersexual disorder or sexual addiction, which means your porn watching becomes compulsive and uncontrollable. When this happens, it’s often a sign of deeper mental health issues. That means it’s important to seek professional help for overcoming your porn addiction. 

Ready to Break Free From Porn?

So, is watching porn cheating? If it’s defined as cheating in your relationship, yet you continue to watch it, we can help at Integrative Life Center in Nashville, TN. Our porn addiction treatment program can address the root causes driving your porn habits and help you overcome your addiction for good. We can also help your partner heal from any betrayal trauma your porn consumption has caused. Take our free porn addiction quiz as a first step or contact our team now to learn more.

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